Yesterday myself and two friends drove 7 hours to go to a funeral for a very good friend and a fellow Marine. It was really hard for me seeing him laying there and seeing his family and all us Marines greving over him. I know he wouldn't want us to be upset but instead laugh and have fun in remembering him. He was not only a steller Marine but a good friend who would help you out any way that he could.
Should I feel bad b/c with everything that is going on with me I just keep feeling like it should be me b/c sometimes I feel like I have nothing else left and he had so much left to live for.
This is my story of how I found out I was HIV-Positive while still in the United States Marine Corps and my coming to terms with my diagnosis.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
New
Nothing new has really been going on in the past week or however long it has been since I have updated this blog. I am still enjoying some much needed time off but I can tell you this it is going to be really hard to go back to work next week.
Last week I turned in my paperwork for my BAH so right now I am just waiting to find out if it got approved which I really hope it does. I don't know how long it usually takes to find out but I wish it would hurry up. Also I had 2 guys I worked with one a really good friend of mine get killed in a car accident. My buddy was passenger and was pernounced dead at the sceane and the driver who I also worked with but didn't know as well died yesterday in the hospital. So it has kind of been a hard week on my. I am going up to San Fran on Saturday with alot of the unit to go to the memorial service. So pray for my brothers that God brought them home.
I had to go in today to have another blood draw. The Dr. said they didn't have enough information to make a estimate on how my numbers are going. They took like 8 tubes or so I'm not really sure b/c I can't watch while they are doing it. Keep your fingers crossed that my numbers are still good and they doing see a trend that isn't so good.
So there is my update. Sorry there is nothing more going on which is alittle more exciting. Just remember to pray for my brothers who are now in Heaven and pray for the ones who are overseas fighting for us.
Last week I turned in my paperwork for my BAH so right now I am just waiting to find out if it got approved which I really hope it does. I don't know how long it usually takes to find out but I wish it would hurry up. Also I had 2 guys I worked with one a really good friend of mine get killed in a car accident. My buddy was passenger and was pernounced dead at the sceane and the driver who I also worked with but didn't know as well died yesterday in the hospital. So it has kind of been a hard week on my. I am going up to San Fran on Saturday with alot of the unit to go to the memorial service. So pray for my brothers that God brought them home.
I had to go in today to have another blood draw. The Dr. said they didn't have enough information to make a estimate on how my numbers are going. They took like 8 tubes or so I'm not really sure b/c I can't watch while they are doing it. Keep your fingers crossed that my numbers are still good and they doing see a trend that isn't so good.
So there is my update. Sorry there is nothing more going on which is alittle more exciting. Just remember to pray for my brothers who are now in Heaven and pray for the ones who are overseas fighting for us.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sorry it took so long to update...
I know it has now been a week since I have posted and I am sorry.
In the past week I have finished my 2nd week of classes at the Naval Medical Hospital and alot of other things. My best friend flew out here from North Carolina b/c her bf was working up in LA and his company flew her out here which was awesome. I went up to Long Beach where they were staying on wed night (a really hard day for me). On Thur we went up to Hollywood or however you spell it and had a wonderful time. It was nice to get my mind off of things and not have to worry about everything that was going on. Firday we went to Santa Monica pier and around in that area and had lots of fun. On Saturday my bestfriend and her bf followed me down to San Diego and stayed in the hotel on my base and we went to the zoo which was freaking awesome. Only problem I had is I wanted to take all the animals home. The best part about the zoo is someone very special to me meet me there and the 4 of us had a great day and then for dinner we all went to Dick's Last Resort. On Sunday my bestfrind her bf, and I all did a tour of the USS Midway which was really neet because I'm not Navy so it was interesting in seeing how they live or use to live. The past few days I have been staying with a very special person who I care alot about and who has taken me in and cared for me for the person I am. This person is HIV+ like me so we can be ourselfs around eachother and not worry about judgement. It has really been a blissful week or so where I don't really have to worry about much except taking care of myself and keeping myself healthy.
I really do feel bad that it has taken me this long to update and I promise it won't take me this long again.
I really need some help on how to get this blog out there b/c I want people to read it really other military members so they know they are not alone and there our others out there like them. I really want to use this negitive thing that happened and turn it around into a positive in my life and in others. If ya'll know how I can get this out so others can read it please let me know.
In the past week I have finished my 2nd week of classes at the Naval Medical Hospital and alot of other things. My best friend flew out here from North Carolina b/c her bf was working up in LA and his company flew her out here which was awesome. I went up to Long Beach where they were staying on wed night (a really hard day for me). On Thur we went up to Hollywood or however you spell it and had a wonderful time. It was nice to get my mind off of things and not have to worry about everything that was going on. Firday we went to Santa Monica pier and around in that area and had lots of fun. On Saturday my bestfriend and her bf followed me down to San Diego and stayed in the hotel on my base and we went to the zoo which was freaking awesome. Only problem I had is I wanted to take all the animals home. The best part about the zoo is someone very special to me meet me there and the 4 of us had a great day and then for dinner we all went to Dick's Last Resort. On Sunday my bestfrind her bf, and I all did a tour of the USS Midway which was really neet because I'm not Navy so it was interesting in seeing how they live or use to live. The past few days I have been staying with a very special person who I care alot about and who has taken me in and cared for me for the person I am. This person is HIV+ like me so we can be ourselfs around eachother and not worry about judgement. It has really been a blissful week or so where I don't really have to worry about much except taking care of myself and keeping myself healthy.
I really do feel bad that it has taken me this long to update and I promise it won't take me this long again.
I really need some help on how to get this blog out there b/c I want people to read it really other military members so they know they are not alone and there our others out there like them. I really want to use this negitive thing that happened and turn it around into a positive in my life and in others. If ya'll know how I can get this out so others can read it please let me know.
Monday, March 8, 2010
2nd week of classes
This is just a quick update. I just started my 2nd week of mandated classes that are used to teach us about safe sex, jag rights, healthy living, and the advancements in medication that are used to fight HIV today. When I first started these classes last week I didn't want to be there cause I was still mad at the world and didn't want to be around anyone. I made friends with the other guys in my class very quickly which helped out alot. I found a support group which really seems to help in a time like this. Some of the guys in the class have been living with HIV for 15 plus years so they knew how to answer the questions that all the new guys like myself really wanted to know. The classes offer some really good information that seem to help out alot in reasuring that this is not a death sentence like it was back in the 80's.
Some useful links that they gave us which seem very useful and informative:
www.thebody.com
www.poz.com
www.militaryonesource.com
Some useful links that they gave us which seem very useful and informative:
www.thebody.com
www.poz.com
www.militaryonesource.com
A brief introduction
So here I am. I am just a normal Marine who signed up to do his part and serve his country to the best of his abilities. Well I have been in the Corps for 2 years now which some days seem like forever and at other times seem like I started just yesterday. Well to make things worse 2 weeks ago I found out some news that will change my life in ways that I can not yet comprehend and fully understand. As you can guess from the name of my blog that news I recieved was that I am now HIV positive.
Alittle about how I figured out...
I was set to deploy soon and was very excited. this was to be my first deployment ever. I was scared shitless but ready for it. I wanted to do my part. Well part of the usual process I had to have lots of shots and get my blood drawn for our annual HIV test. I didn't think anything of it at the time b/c I figured I had been safe and there was no way I could get something like this. So I forgot about it soon and then left to fly back to my home state of North Carolina for my pre deployment leave. I was so ready to spend the 2 weeks just relaxing with my family and enjoying my time off. I got 2 very nice peaceful days at home when my LtCol called me personally on my cell phone with seemed really strange to me at first and I didn't know what was going on. He informed me that I was being called back off leave and I had to fly out the very next morning and that he couldn't tell me what it was about over the phone but that it was a "legal" issue. I coudn't figure out what I had done to get into legal trouble, especially the type of legal trouble that would cause the LtCol to call me personally. So I fly out from North Carolina and was picked up at the airport and taken straight to see the LtCol and he set me down in his office and then informed me what was going on. He made me meet with the chaplin and the flight doc. Then I had to go down to the Naval Hospital to meet my new doctor and there I have been for the past 2 weeks. I report everyday right now for training classes to teach those of us like me how to deal with and live with our new lifestyle.
Well that is just a short kinda interduction.
The purpose of this is going to 1. be a place for me to share my experiences 2. let others out there know that they are not alone and 3. just a general place for me to vent.
Oh ya I almost forgot don't worry I got my bloodwork done and my counts are good from what I have been told. My viral load is 344 and my CD4 count is almost 1400. They won't put me on meds till my CD4 count gets to 500 or so.
Alittle about how I figured out...
I was set to deploy soon and was very excited. this was to be my first deployment ever. I was scared shitless but ready for it. I wanted to do my part. Well part of the usual process I had to have lots of shots and get my blood drawn for our annual HIV test. I didn't think anything of it at the time b/c I figured I had been safe and there was no way I could get something like this. So I forgot about it soon and then left to fly back to my home state of North Carolina for my pre deployment leave. I was so ready to spend the 2 weeks just relaxing with my family and enjoying my time off. I got 2 very nice peaceful days at home when my LtCol called me personally on my cell phone with seemed really strange to me at first and I didn't know what was going on. He informed me that I was being called back off leave and I had to fly out the very next morning and that he couldn't tell me what it was about over the phone but that it was a "legal" issue. I coudn't figure out what I had done to get into legal trouble, especially the type of legal trouble that would cause the LtCol to call me personally. So I fly out from North Carolina and was picked up at the airport and taken straight to see the LtCol and he set me down in his office and then informed me what was going on. He made me meet with the chaplin and the flight doc. Then I had to go down to the Naval Hospital to meet my new doctor and there I have been for the past 2 weeks. I report everyday right now for training classes to teach those of us like me how to deal with and live with our new lifestyle.
Well that is just a short kinda interduction.
The purpose of this is going to 1. be a place for me to share my experiences 2. let others out there know that they are not alone and 3. just a general place for me to vent.
Oh ya I almost forgot don't worry I got my bloodwork done and my counts are good from what I have been told. My viral load is 344 and my CD4 count is almost 1400. They won't put me on meds till my CD4 count gets to 500 or so.
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