Saw Doc

Went and saw my doctor today b/c I needed to get a few things from him and he got on me big time b/c I stoped taking my anti depressents. He started me on a new one that said it shouldn't affect my sex drive like the old ones did. He also gave me sleeping pills because once again I have not been sleeping very well.

He also told me that feeling tired all the time is common b/c your body is using so much energy to fight the virus that you just don't have much energy for anything else. Told me it will take awhile for your body to find a balance spot and u might never have the full amount of energy you once had. If you are having any kind of problem like this talk to you doctor and ask for some help and see if they can give you anything to help.

Just wanted to put a note in that this coming Thur April 29 is Dine Out for Life. It is a one night thing where 100 participating resturants pledge to donate atleast 25% of proceedes to The Center's HIV/AIDS services and prevention program. Everyone check it out
Here is the link
http://www.diningoutforlife.com/sandiego

I know

Wow I am getting horrible about this. I can't believe I have not been updating anymore often. I need to set up a reminder on my phone which reminds me to do this atleast every few days or so.

So nothing new really is going on. I'm not sleeping worth a damn which isn't anything new. I just stay awake thinking which dosn't allow me to calm down and sleep. Oh ya I still don't have any real orders to a new unit or anything or know what I will be doing.

Main reason I wanted to do this tonight is so I could put some links to some videos I found which do a good job of explaining things.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9leO28ydyfU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwHIw8QGUnY&feature=fvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO8MP3wMvqg

Bored

So I think this blog should be more about me... I am still going to use it to help other Military members that are in the same spot I am in but so far I have left most of my private life out of it.

I talked to some members of my family tonight back east (south, cause I'm a souther boy) and it made me relize how much I miss them and wish I had told them. I am not ready to tell my family yet that I am HIV +. I just don't understand how to tell my family that I am HIV +. I do miss them and I feel so bad about not telling them. People tells me I need to tell my family but I am not ready. I want ya'll to know that I am not personally not ready but that might not be the right thing for everyone. If you feel like your family should know and would be ready for it then more power too you. I will look up links and post them at a later date on how to tell you family so that it might help you. Right now in my life I don't think my family would understand very well and it makes it hard because I am very close to my family and they are number 1 in my life but I am not ready to let them on. So if you fell like you want to tell your family and they will understand then go ahead because it will only help in the long run I hope.

I did get pissed today because I was at the pool sunning and read the pool rules while I was there and they really made me mad. One of them stated "Persons with a Infectious Disease are not allowed to use pool". That really kinda upset me. People need a lesson when they write those things. A person with HIV has a Infectious Disease but anyone who knows anything about HIV knows that it can not be passed that way. HIV virus dies as soon as it hits water or air but it is still considered a Infectious Disease. Sorry that just kinda made me mad and upset and relize that the general people don't accept people like me and I wish I could give them a lesson.

So there is my blog for the day, not really much to say. If ya'll have a topic I should hit on please let me know

Been awhile

It has really been awhile since I have posted. I kept meaning to getting around to it just been lazy and forgot. Nothing new is really going on except that I still do not have new orders from the Marine Corps about my new position since I can no longer stay with a deployable unit. It seems that they do not get into a hurry over it. I guess it is fine by me because that just means less work I actually have to do. Talked to a fellow Marine I meet in my first week of classes the other day and he still hasn't gotten his either so I don't feel so bad or forgotten.

Other then that nothing else is really going on except I am happy in my relationship. I finally found someone who is special and excepts me for me and who is able to help support me through all this. I meet this person in my 2nd week of classes and we seem to be very happy together. We get into our little arguments and whatnot that any couple gets into but I just feel like they help to make our relationship stronger.

Also still waiting on word from my BAH package. I really hope it gets approved because I could use the extra income so I don't seem so broke all the time. I don't know if it will or not but all I can do is keep my fingers crossed.

This is still ben kind of a hard transition. There isn't a day that I don't wake up thinking to myself that I have HIV. Sometimes I sitll wonder what is going to happen next. Even when I try not to think about it, it is still there in the back of my mind nagging at me and like alittle rain cloud that just follows me around all the time. I guess all I can do is try to make the best of it and hope it gets easier with time. Luckly with my relationship we are both HIV + so I don't have to worry about hiding that from someone close to me.

Well I guess that is about it for now. If anyone can help me figure a way to get this blog out there so more people can see it so it might be of some help for someone please let me know.

Well well well

Yesterday myself and two friends drove 7 hours to go to a funeral for a very good friend and a fellow Marine. It was really hard for me seeing him laying there and seeing his family and all us Marines greving over him. I know he wouldn't want us to be upset but instead laugh and have fun in remembering him. He was not only a steller Marine but a good friend who would help you out any way that he could.

Should I feel bad b/c with everything that is going on with me I just keep feeling like it should be me b/c sometimes I feel like I have nothing else left and he had so much left to live for.

New

Nothing new has really been going on in the past week or however long it has been since I have updated this blog. I am still enjoying some much needed time off but I can tell you this it is going to be really hard to go back to work next week.

Last week I turned in my paperwork for my BAH so right now I am just waiting to find out if it got approved which I really hope it does. I don't know how long it usually takes to find out but I wish it would hurry up. Also I had 2 guys I worked with one a really good friend of mine get killed in a car accident. My buddy was passenger and was pernounced dead at the sceane and the driver who I also worked with but didn't know as well died yesterday in the hospital. So it has kind of been a hard week on my. I am going up to San Fran on Saturday with alot of the unit to go to the memorial service. So pray for my brothers that God brought them home.

I had to go in today to have another blood draw. The Dr. said they didn't have enough information to make a estimate on how my numbers are going. They took like 8 tubes or so I'm not really sure b/c I can't watch while they are doing it. Keep your fingers crossed that my numbers are still good and they doing see a trend that isn't so good.

So there is my update. Sorry there is nothing more going on which is alittle more exciting. Just remember to pray for my brothers who are now in Heaven and pray for the ones who are overseas fighting for us.

Sorry it took so long to update...

I know it has now been a week since I have posted and I am sorry.

In the past week I have finished my 2nd week of classes at the Naval Medical Hospital and alot of other things. My best friend flew out here from North Carolina b/c her bf was working up in LA and his company flew her out here which was awesome. I went up to Long Beach where they were staying on wed night (a really hard day for me). On Thur we went up to Hollywood or however you spell it and had a wonderful time. It was nice to get my mind off of things and not have to worry about everything that was going on. Firday we went to Santa Monica pier and around in that area and had lots of fun. On Saturday my bestfriend and her bf followed me down to San Diego and stayed in the hotel on my base and we went to the zoo which was freaking awesome. Only problem I had is I wanted to take all the animals home. The best part about the zoo is someone very special to me meet me there and the 4 of us had a great day and then for dinner we all went to Dick's Last Resort. On Sunday my bestfrind her bf, and I all did a tour of the USS Midway which was really neet because I'm not Navy so it was interesting in seeing how they live or use to live. The past few days I have been staying with a very special person who I care alot about and who has taken me in and cared for me for the person I am. This person is HIV+ like me so we can be ourselfs around eachother and not worry about judgement. It has really been a blissful week or so where I don't really have to worry about much except taking care of myself and keeping myself healthy.

I really do feel bad that it has taken me this long to update and I promise it won't take me this long again.

I really need some help on how to get this blog out there b/c I want people to read it really other military members so they know they are not alone and there our others out there like them. I really want to use this negitive thing that happened and turn it around into a positive in my life and in others. If ya'll know how I can get this out so others can read it please let me know.

2nd week of classes

This is just a quick update. I just started my 2nd week of mandated classes that are used to teach us about safe sex, jag rights, healthy living, and the advancements in medication that are used to fight HIV today. When I first started these classes last week I didn't want to be there cause I was still mad at the world and didn't want to be around anyone. I made friends with the other guys in my class very quickly which helped out alot. I found a support group which really seems to help in a time like this. Some of the guys in the class have been living with HIV for 15 plus years so they knew how to answer the questions that all the new guys like myself really wanted to know. The classes offer some really good information that seem to help out alot in reasuring that this is not a death sentence like it was back in the 80's.

Some useful links that they gave us which seem very useful and informative:
www.thebody.com
www.poz.com
www.militaryonesource.com

A brief introduction

So here I am. I am just a normal Marine who signed up to do his part and serve his country to the best of his abilities. Well I have been in the Corps for 2 years now which some days seem like forever and at other times seem like I started just yesterday. Well to make things worse 2 weeks ago I found out some news that will change my life in ways that I can not yet comprehend and fully understand. As you can guess from the name of my blog that news I recieved was that I am now HIV positive.

Alittle about how I figured out...
I was set to deploy soon and was very excited. this was to be my first deployment ever. I was scared shitless but ready for it. I wanted to do my part. Well part of the usual process I had to have lots of shots and get my blood drawn for our annual HIV test. I didn't think anything of it at the time b/c I figured I had been safe and there was no way I could get something like this. So I forgot about it soon and then left to fly back to my home state of North Carolina for my pre deployment leave. I was so ready to spend the 2 weeks just relaxing with my family and enjoying my time off. I got 2 very nice peaceful days at home when my LtCol called me personally on my cell phone with seemed really strange to me at first and I didn't know what was going on. He informed me that I was being called back off leave and I had to fly out the very next morning and that he couldn't tell me what it was about over the phone but that it was a "legal" issue. I coudn't figure out what I had done to get into legal trouble, especially the type of legal trouble that would cause the LtCol to call me personally. So I fly out from North Carolina and was picked up at the airport and taken straight to see the LtCol and he set me down in his office and then informed me what was going on. He made me meet with the chaplin and the flight doc. Then I had to go down to the Naval Hospital to meet my new doctor and there I have been for the past 2 weeks. I report everyday right now for training classes to teach those of us like me how to deal with and live with our new lifestyle.

Well that is just a short kinda interduction.

The purpose of this is going to 1. be a place for me to share my experiences 2. let others out there know that they are not alone and 3. just a general place for me to vent.

Oh ya I almost forgot don't worry I got my bloodwork done and my counts are good from what I have been told. My viral load is 344 and my CD4 count is almost 1400. They won't put me on meds till my CD4 count gets to 500 or so.