Mortality

*This is just something that has been on my mind the past few days and I wanted to share it.

You know I never really thought about how or when I would die, I mean who really does while they are young?  When you are young you think you are invincible and that nothing will ever happen to you, but all to often something happens that makes you realize your mortality.  In my case this happened when I got my diagnosis.  It really woke me the fuck up from that haze I seemed to always be in.

At first I thought about death pretty much all the time.  I was depressed and confused.  I did not realize that I could still live a full, healthy, and active life if I just did what was needed to controle this.  As time passed I had time to adjust and became better educated about about HIV.  A good friend and mentor put it just right the other day, he said "it took you about two years to get back to normal."  He was exactly right, I no longer sit for hours and ponder my own demise.  I wont say that I never think about it anymore cause that would be a lie.

At some point we are all forced to face our own mortality, it is just as simple as that.  It is all about how you handle it.  Do not do like I did and sit around and let these types of thoughts consume you.  HIV may seem like the end of the world but it is not.

In some ways I believe that this "wake up call" was what I needed and has made me appreciate everyday a bit more.  I use to take the everyday for granted, but now I live it to its  fullest.

So when you are forced to face your own mortality remember dont let it take over.  Forget about it, when the time comes it will come. We can not do anything about it, so what is the point in worrying about it?